Could my prolonged brokenness be magnifying an addiction to Pain?

I think I’m starting to realize why broken people have such a hard time with freedom from pain. We all know that pain is inevitable and at some point throughout your life you will experience pain and heart ache. Doesn’t mean that it defines us but it means at some point we have to learn how to strategically overcome that pain and not allow it to hinder us from being healed. The thing with broken people is that we tend to put ourselves back out there with just a temporary bandage or with holes still left unpatched from trying to piece together ourselves. We have to get to the place where we allow pain to work for us and not always against us. There will be phases in life when pain will be our biggest teacher. Nobody wants to but we all will experience pain. It is the addiction to pain that causes us to remain in bondage and keep us from experiencing the fullness of life. When I say addiction I mean the attraction to pain that we seldom realize ourselves being drawn to when it comes to the wounds that we’re already hurting from. Pain for a lot of people bring comfort because it is the only thing that they’ve ever known so they think that it’s all life has to offer.

From a broken person it’s almost like a instant gratification to keep revisiting that open wound after we think we have giving it some time because of the happiness we are feeling on the inside from feeling like we have conquered what caused it. So out of that experience we tend to go back and/or put ourselves in a situation just like it so that we can experience what we “think” we deserve when we haven’t originally healed in the first place.. We tend to religiously have hope that this time when we’re attracted to what caused the pain before, that it will get a little better, and a little better each time.  Without realizing that pain will always be pain we just learn how to strategize dealing with it. We always have hope for the same thing that caused us pain the first time around which causes the addiction in the first place. One thing about pain is there isn’t really a default way of how to get rid of it or how to strategize it. There’s multiple ways to get rid of it according to circumstance, but convincing yourself verses actually being healed is two totally different things.

There is a such thing as being able to manipulate your own mind and that is what we call convincing ourselves. Before you’ve convinced yourself of something, the way that you believed in it was totally different. Then you start to look at the truth until you’re able to formulate for yourself your very own thesis in which we call, “your truth”. I know for me I used to allow pain to convince me that it was what I deserved because I had experienced it for so long and strategized how to grow through it, that I thought I needed to stay in that broken place forever in order to grow. But pain should never define our lives in it’s entirety. We are meant to experience pain to grow, learn, and to shape us but we are not meant to use it as a comfort seeking place nor identify it as the “norm”. It is not the norm. We are assigned to experience it and be able to move on. We know Joy because we’ve experienced pain. Many of us never move on because in our truth pain will never stop, when in reality we’ve just become so consumed with the reality of our emotions.

We’ve become used to being and staying at that low place that it is now our reality. Once you began to channel in on why you’re even hurting and what that pain does for you then you can seek the necessary requirements and practices to heal. I think a lot of our pain has a lot to do with the fact that we don’t allow ourselves to heal. It’s almost like you have imprisoned yourself. We constantly keep going back to the things that hurt us and brought us pain because we think that’s our life’s story but practicing that is only feeding the addiction to the pain that’s causing it. It will start to make you think that’s who and what you are when you are so much more than who and what pained you. You are worthy of freedom. Maybe we aren’t free because we haven’t tried to be.

A lot of us are missing out on happiness because of this addiction to pain that we have adopted. Some of us don’t even realize how imprisoned we are. There’s moments when someone tries to love us and treat us right but we don’t accept it because the feeling is not as strong as the pain we’re used to. Sometimes we can be in a stressful environment at work and the moment we get a better job opportunity we don’t like it and find reasons why the last one was better when it wasn’t better you are just so used to the pain/stress/unstable environment in the job that you thought that it would be on every job that you went to. A lot of us have experienced toxic relationships and desired someone to care for us correctly and not bring us pain but the moment we got it we didn’t know how to handle it because we are just addicted to the same pain but with different people. Being a victim of abuse in our homes so we never think we’re worthy and choose not to heal. Your addiction has no longer made you the victim. Getting out is a choice. Your healing is inside of you as soon as you’re able to let that hurt go. Your brokenness just might be from your addiction to pain.


Why You Have To Master Your Mind In Order To Master Your Life.

I just finished reading the book “Outwitting The Devil” by Napoleon Hill and I think that the book really unlocked some keys to a successful path in my life. It is a great book! It actually was so mind boggling that I had to read it twice. The book is actually giving you an insight on all the devil’s insights and tricks to keep you from being successful in life and getting ahead. It shares so many valuable nuggets that you cannot deny how useful this book is to getting you to see how/why things have or are going the way that they are in your life.

The enemy is far more smarter than we give him credit for. Basically in the simplest form if you do not have control of your mind you do not have control over your life. What the devil calls us who cannot keep focus is “drifters”. He uses every tactic he can to get you while you are young. The younger you are he says the longer and easier if will be to keep you. Whether it be from your parents, school, or spiritual leaders. He uses these people as he wants to keep you from being able to think for yourself.

All of those roles I just mentioned above are people who taught us and probably played huge roles in our upbringings. This be why the enemy uses these strategies against us because though all these people think they are of service and helping us they are really training us up through dependency. Depending on those with authority to think for us instead of doing for ourselves. This results in a dependency when we get older. Instead of when we were a kid learning and wanting to do things on our own we become adults in the classrooms, churches, and in the real world expecting these same people and/or other people to think for us. Which is why it is so easy for the devil to have so many people on his side because a lot of his people have grown too lazy to think for themselves and would rather agree with any idea than no idea at all.

When you have the ability to think for yourself it’s much harder to be moved or persuaded with falsified information or beliefs because you have the ability to think your way out. By having the ability to think your way out of things for yourself, allows you to not drift and be distracted by the many other things he chooses to use against you to gain you. Whether it be sex, food, or money. He will try everything in his power to get you to become a drifter. Once you become a drifter you’re no longer able to keep focus and have self control. So every time you think that you are about to accomplish something, right when it’s at your finger tips he snatches it from you. Making you want to quit or while he offers you something else that’s your weakness to keep you from outwitting his tactics. I think the book is so much more than I am able to convey. Have you ever felt as though ever time you try to start something or do right in life something always comes into your life and distracts you before you can complete anything? Or feel as though you just keep experiencing the same exact setbacks or failures over and over again? Then you definitely should read “Outwitting The Devil”.


At some point or another in our day to day lives we’ve all reached a point where we just didn’t feel as though we were heard. I can remember it like it was yesterday telling my mother how bad my menstrual cycle was hurting me and her response was, “You’ll be ok.” And in fact I would, but in that moment I just didn’t feel as though I was and a huge part of that was not feeling that she really in truly heard my cry. The cry that said my tummy needed to be rubbed. Or maybe I just needed a little time and attention to know that my cry mattered. I believe all across the world we have all ran into these types of experiences whether it be the one that I had experienced or not, we’re all just on the discovery to be heard. Whether we recognize it or not, we all are on the hunt to find what understands what we already feel in dept of our Inner self. Whether we’re on a ocean watching the tide roll all the way until we can see no longer or whether it’s by our hairstyle, the way we dress, the cars we drive, etc. I think that the feelings that we get when we do these things or the little small voice inside of our heads when we go these places is what desires to be felt and heard the most. The things that we tend to keep the closest in our hearts are the very ones that would set us free if someone just heard it.  Growing up a little black child in poverty a lot of times I felt as though we were being brainwashed to believe that our opinion never mattered because our parents had gone through what they have gone through and saw a little results to no results, and our ancestors had survived what they had to in order to survive. But they never were given a choice. And today we’re all just one choice away from a totally different life if we stay with it long enough. But they always did what they had to do instead of being able to freely express themselves in a way that was able to make a real difference in their minds and in their lives. So do I blame the ones who never hear our cry no because no one ever heard theirs. Our parents and ancestors were always taught to make sacrifices to make sure that all our needs were met even if that meant sacrifice and their happiness. And so, many of them were lead to believe that this is the only way. That the ultimate goal was just to make sure that we all survived but never to be heard and be all that God has called us to be. I couldn’t imagine being alive during the time of the civil rights movement’s when they were forced not to say a word or be punished. I have experienced today due to my families cycle not being broken and it is one of the most painful experiences having to reverse and retrain our minds and thoughts after being told it isn’t valuable or ignored or “hushed up”.  They were beating for expressing their opinions. They were killed for learning how to read and write. (Be heard) They were raped by their owners and told to never speak about it. Down to the voting rights, were forced to believe that their viewpoints and their rights just did not matter. The only reason for their existence was just to do their jobs as they were told, listen, and to survive. We were taught we didn’t have a right to an opinion from the very start, and now we’re all here years later, even successful ones and the not so successful ones still crying to be heard. Whether it’s having to fight a silent battle through depression, mental illnesses, abandonment, running away children, social media, books, etc. The only difference between now and then is we’re all just one choice a way from a totally different life. Be heard however you need to just make sure you’re freedom comes after it.

I never knew that I was loved instead of raised until now.

There’s a difference between being loved until you were 18 and being raised until you were 18. A lot starts from within our homes. If we be honest a lot of us were loved but not raised. It is not the same. And a lot of us are in a deepened struggle today because we’ve experienced deep affection all our lives like love, but we never were exposed to being elevated or raised to a higher level or more intense way of living. That’s what being raised consist of. I can love you but still keep you in the same place for 100 years. But by guiding you and raising you you have no choice but to choose different and be elevated to a higher position in life. Once we understand that love requires more than just clothes on our backs, and food on the table, and a roof over our heads and start to do more raising & constructing then maybe as a result we will see more children able to be grown adults and not still kids in an adult body and more children able to grow and take care of their families and parents when they get older like it’s supposed to be.

Don’t just look a success, be a success.

Being successful can be overwhelming at times. It is very necessary to work at loving yourself through the mistakes. Even the one’s you knew you should’ve known better. Its life… It’s okay to be inexperienced and make mistakes, they help us to grow too ya know. One thing I can’t stand is somebody who came from a little now they have a lot but all they can do is brag on themselves. People have created this image of being successful as always being in the limelight. Without showing the well rounded example of life and what it really means to live it. Real success is being constantly inspired to grow and learn because you know someone is paying more attention to the things you do vs. the things you choose to flaunt and worship other then the most high. I knew exactly what J.Cole meant when he said “Think Being Broke Was Better”. There’s so much beauty in the struggle, you know darkness, you know pain, you know rejection, you know hunger, and most importantly you know God. But soon as you’ve gotten up you quick to put the next down because they not where you at.

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