Could my prolonged brokenness be magnifying an addiction to Pain?

I think I’m starting to realize why broken people have such a hard time with freedom from pain. We all know that pain is inevitable and at some point throughout your life you will experience pain and heart ache. Doesn’t mean that it defines us but it means at some point we have to learn how to strategically overcome that pain and not allow it to hinder us from being healed. The thing with broken people is that we tend to put ourselves back out there with just a temporary bandage or with holes still left unpatched from trying to piece together ourselves. We have to get to the place where we allow pain to work for us and not always against us. There will be phases in life when pain will be our biggest teacher. Nobody wants to but we all will experience pain. It is the addiction to pain that causes us to remain in bondage and keep us from experiencing the fullness of life. When I say addiction I mean the attraction to pain that we seldom realize ourselves being drawn to when it comes to the wounds that we’re already hurting from. Pain for a lot of people bring comfort because it is the only thing that they’ve ever known so they think that it’s all life has to offer.

From a broken person it’s almost like a instant gratification to keep revisiting that open wound after we think we have giving it some time because of the happiness we are feeling on the inside from feeling like we have conquered what caused it. So out of that experience we tend to go back and/or put ourselves in a situation just like it so that we can experience what we “think” we deserve when we haven’t originally healed in the first place.. We tend to religiously have hope that this time when we’re attracted to what caused the pain before, that it will get a little better, and a little better each time.  Without realizing that pain will always be pain we just learn how to strategize dealing with it. We always have hope for the same thing that caused us pain the first time around which causes the addiction in the first place. One thing about pain is there isn’t really a default way of how to get rid of it or how to strategize it. There’s multiple ways to get rid of it according to circumstance, but convincing yourself verses actually being healed is two totally different things.

There is a such thing as being able to manipulate your own mind and that is what we call convincing ourselves. Before you’ve convinced yourself of something, the way that you believed in it was totally different. Then you start to look at the truth until you’re able to formulate for yourself your very own thesis in which we call, “your truth”. I know for me I used to allow pain to convince me that it was what I deserved because I had experienced it for so long and strategized how to grow through it, that I thought I needed to stay in that broken place forever in order to grow. But pain should never define our lives in it’s entirety. We are meant to experience pain to grow, learn, and to shape us but we are not meant to use it as a comfort seeking place nor identify it as the “norm”. It is not the norm. We are assigned to experience it and be able to move on. We know Joy because we’ve experienced pain. Many of us never move on because in our truth pain will never stop, when in reality we’ve just become so consumed with the reality of our emotions.

We’ve become used to being and staying at that low place that it is now our reality. Once you began to channel in on why you’re even hurting and what that pain does for you then you can seek the necessary requirements and practices to heal. I think a lot of our pain has a lot to do with the fact that we don’t allow ourselves to heal. It’s almost like you have imprisoned yourself. We constantly keep going back to the things that hurt us and brought us pain because we think that’s our life’s story but practicing that is only feeding the addiction to the pain that’s causing it. It will start to make you think that’s who and what you are when you are so much more than who and what pained you. You are worthy of freedom. Maybe we aren’t free because we haven’t tried to be.

A lot of us are missing out on happiness because of this addiction to pain that we have adopted. Some of us don’t even realize how imprisoned we are. There’s moments when someone tries to love us and treat us right but we don’t accept it because the feeling is not as strong as the pain we’re used to. Sometimes we can be in a stressful environment at work and the moment we get a better job opportunity we don’t like it and find reasons why the last one was better when it wasn’t better you are just so used to the pain/stress/unstable environment in the job that you thought that it would be on every job that you went to. A lot of us have experienced toxic relationships and desired someone to care for us correctly and not bring us pain but the moment we got it we didn’t know how to handle it because we are just addicted to the same pain but with different people. Being a victim of abuse in our homes so we never think we’re worthy and choose not to heal. Your addiction has no longer made you the victim. Getting out is a choice. Your healing is inside of you as soon as you’re able to let that hurt go. Your brokenness just might be from your addiction to pain.

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One thought on “Could my prolonged brokenness be magnifying an addiction to Pain?

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  1. Fear, at least to me, seems to drive some addictive behaviors. Recently, I have come to the conclusion that the main reason I am resistant to changing the constant negativity in my world is because I am terrified what it feels like to be happy. I have gotten so used to being miserable, that the c hsnge itself is scary because I don’t know how to function in happiness.

    Intriguing post.

    Like

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